THE REGULATOR IS IN...5 CENTS, PLEASE

Last week, I was window shopping down Regent Street in London. Open field running between raging double decker buses, I crossed over to Piccadilly Street toward my ultimate destination, Earl Grey tea haven Fortnum & Mason. However, colliding with all the tourists on the sidewalk gave me a "peckish" feeling, so hunted for a place to sit and catch my compromised breath. Shortly, I stumbled into the small front yard of a church designed by Christopher Wren--suggesting a combination of benches and history to revitalize.

I spotted a bench, one of those iconic English wood benches that one sees in all the travel pictures. Amazingly, one side of the seat was pigeon dropping free, perhaps cleaned by the pants of a prior occupant. I crumpled onto the seat. Overhead, a leaf emerging branch of a tree was making lace work out of the rare sunshine that filtered onto me.

After a few sighs, my eyes noted a curious sight to my left in the church yard. There in a corner was a small green "gypsy " wagon. It had wood sides, a curved metal roof, and steel or iron spoked wheels. There was a Dutch door in the middle of the side facing me, with the upper half open to expose a woman looking outside. I began to sweat with fear. At any moment, I expected Maleva, the gypsy fortune teller played by Maria Ouspenskaya in the Wolf Man, to emerge from her wagon to reveal my fate when the moon was full.

My concern receded, however, when I noted a large sign propped up next to the wagon. It read: "Caravan Drop-In--Emotional Support Counseling."

As I began to crumple again, my thoughts of the scene reminded me of Lucy standing behind her makeshift counter to which was nailed a makeshift sign scrawled with "The Doctor Is In...5 Cents, Please."

The whole experience got me to thinking: what if the EPA and similar regulators toured the country in gypsy wagons, stopping everywhere to offer counseling support to utilities and customers on water and waste water issues. In addition, like Malaeva, they even could offer predictions on the success of their recommendations and compliance initiatives. Of course, if one were bitten by some regulatory or legal non-compliance, the full moon shining on the court house might still be of concern.

I got up from the bench and headed back toward the street, still somewhat unsure after the experience whether I would be better off dropping in at the caravan or continuing to F&M for the comfort of tea and sweets.