IT'S RAINING ACORNS! FEELIN' SQUIRRELLY

We have had a serious shortfall of rain in these parts since July. So, you can imagine my excitement when recently I heard drops on the roof of our house. The noise became increasingly intense, like the din of a hundred hammers on the shingles or the pounding of a thousand woodpeckers in unison. I began to fear damaging hail along with rain.

I nervously glanced out the window, and was shocked to see that the walk and lawn were as dry as ever. No water! What is going on?

So, I even more nervously exited outdoors to ascertain what was perpetrating such a clatter. To my amazement, it was raining acorns, non-stop, from the 200 year old oak tree over reaching the house. The roof, walks, driveway and lawn were smothered in acorns. Many of them hit the roof and bounced off like some medieval rock thrower weapon. Others gracefully rolled into the rain gutters to be removed eventually by grumbling, bruised hands after clogging everything. Still others fall directly onto the walks and driveway to be crushed under foot or tire with an aggravating pop.


On and on the acorns have rained for the past two weeks, with no cease fire in sight. The squirrels should have a field day. But, where are they? I do not see any gathering acorns or diligently digging up the lawn to bury them in storage for a winter day forage. They must be hiding in fear of the noise or being hit by these missiles. Yes, squirrels should be eating these acorns. Interestingly, some people eat squirrels. So, eating squirrels could be said to be equivalent to eating acorns.

As a matter of fact, on a trip to northern Italy, we learned from a partisan fighter in World War 2 that the partisans survived a winter in the mountains by eating acorns for their diet.

In our western pine forests, usually there are no oak trees dropping acorns, but there are squirrels who eat pine cones. Thankfully, pine cones are not falling on our roof. On one of my visits to a pine forest, I discovered that a pack rat had eaten most of the wiring under the hood of my car. I hope it got a charge out of that. Thankfully, pack rats are not falling on our roof.

It has now occurred to me that the EPA should regulate acorns to assure my safety and well being. They regulate things that fall from the sky, so why not acorns? Indeed, when I think about it, EPA regulates air, earth, fire and water--what else is there? (Or was that merely a rock group?) If government can regulate rock fracking, surely it can regulate acorn cracking.

My late aunt used to say: "Half the world is nuts, and the other half are squirrels chasing them". With age, I think I now know what she meant. I'm feelin' squirrelly. Pass the acorns, and welcome EPA...