BATHROOM PUZZLEMENTS

"If a chap can't compose an epic poem while he's weaving a tapestry, he had better shut up; he'll never do any good at all." William Morris

In recent travels in Europe, I again encountered bathroom operation issues. For example, the above photo illustrates shower controls found in a bathroom in England. The panel of valves reminded me of an engine room in a submarine, with a captain barking "down scope." As seems common, no instructions were provided as to how the controls are to be used. One must learn from a freeze/scald, flood/drought experience.

Also as common, the so-called shower was part of a bathtub with walls about three feet high requiring a leap in and out of the tub with youthful dexterity not found in advancing age and/or skin scraping and chin bruising. The tub was enclosed by two glass panels, one of which moved inward only to let the bather seek cleanliness. Unfortunately, the moving panel extended so far along the tub that a bather had to climb the back wall of the tub to enable the panel to open and close. Otherwise the bather would remain a permanent captive of the bathtub until a maid came by to clean. And, of course, there never seem to be any bars within the tub area to grasp as one falls.

The moving shower heads also should be mentioned, as they tend to have lives of their own. Raise the device, and it immediately falls to provide ample spray on one's navel and parts below. Or, it moves from side to side, overshooting the glass panels to flood the room.

In Italy, two unique examples arose. In one hotel, a "proper" free standing glass enclosed shower stall was in the bathroom. However, there was no shelf or soap dish in the shower stall to hold soap, shampoo and whatever else one takes into a shower. In order to lather, one has to open the shower door, reach for soap or shampoo on a nearby counter, reenter the stall, apply the soap or shampoo, reopen the door, put back the item, reenter the stall, rinse and repeat as necessary. By the end of it all, the bathroom floor is a river. Moreover, since the towels hang from a bar on the far wall, one must wade through the floor river to get a towel, by the time of which one has dried naturally by the gush of air from the ventilation which smells of the kitchen.

Perhaps the most aggravating bathroom issue was the hotel room that did not have a toilet paper roll holder. It was necessary to locate a loose toilet roll on a nearby bidet, providing some use for the appliance which some people thought was for washing one's hair.

When traveling,I am not concerned about writing a poem and weaving at the same time. I just want to use a bathroom easily and safely. No wonder there are those who sometimes yearn for an old fashioned water hand pump and an outhouse.