ODE TO A FLU SHOT

The government says the flu season has arrived. We all know that the government is always correct. Nevertheless, I have resisted getting a flu shot for some time. Finally, after much pressure from the wife, and much hacking, horking and sneezing wherever I go in public, I finally acknowledged that my time had come for the annual jamming of the flabby arm. So, I journeyed to my local "emergency medical clinic" for the ritual.

Now, was I naive to assume that an emergency medical clinic implies speedy attention? Well, just the opposite. One must first sign in on a form calling for a multiple choice answer to why one bothered to come there. The choices ranged from "flu shot" to "immediate surgery", and my mind flashed back to the horrors my SAT test. My first choice was "flu shot" and I wisely resisted changing my answer.

Then one sits in the waiting room with dozens of hacking, horking and sneezing patients all waiting for relief from the flu because they waited to long to get a flu shot. After 15 minutes, but it seemed longer than a super bowl halftime, one is called forth for the ordeal of the PAPERWORK. Form after form requiring signature, waiving and releasing everything except my body fluids--I think I still have those. Then came the verbal questions, such as why are you here, why do you have insurance. are you allergic to the world, do you have or want the flu?

Back to the waiting room hacking, horking and sneezing for another 15 minutes. Finally, I was summoned to a closet where a nurse larger than life was salivating to do the deed. But first, she asked the same questions that blotted my mind at the check-in desk, and added are you allergic to chicken, do you like chicken, what about eggs, omelets, eggs benedict, etc. Then, as the needle attacked my flabby arm, she announced that I could not get the flu from the shot, but I may experience flu-like symptoms. So, what is the difference, I wondered. All in all, it took an hour to get a 10 second flu shot.

Upon reflection, I wonder if I would have been better off just drinking 8 glasses of water every day coupled with I-V chicken soup. Or, maybe all that sitting time with hacking, horking and sneezing immunized me from the flu anyway.

On the way home, I heard on my car radio that a science laboratory was asking the general public to send it their stool samples. It seems that scientists there want to accumulate an inventory of all the bacteria, good and bad, found in human intestines. What a great idea! This will reduce loading at the local sewage treatment plants. And, since my flu shot does not protect me from intestinal flu, I may have plenty to send the laboratory in the future.