PLUTONIC RELATIONS

Planet or dwarf planet, or round blob of ice, or whatever--Pluto attracted a great deal of attention this summer when photos of it and its moon captured by NASA's space probe hit the media. They briefly replaced reruns of old sitcoms.

The pictures are said to reveal mountains of frozen water. Some have speculated that water is gushing below the mountains. Indeed, one project leader was quoted as saying that water exists in great abundance.

A question comes to mind: how did all that water arrive on Pluto? Recently, published reports have stated that the Earth's water came from bombardments of asteroids. However, photos of Pluto and its moon Charon appear to suggest crusts free of impact craters.

Will water on Pluto be harvested for the benefit of earthlings? Will large space tankers haul ice and water back to Earth? I suppose this is unlikely, if it takes 9 years over 3 million miles to go one way. On the other hand, harvested ice certainly will arrive melted after such travel.

But wait...there already is Pluto Water on Earth. "Pluto Water" was bottled spring water from French Lick, Indiana. It was available and sold from the early 20th Century until 1971 when its lithium content caused it to be labeled as a controlled substance. Pluto Water was famous for being a strong laxative due to its mineral salts. Claims were made that it was "effective" from a half hour to two hours after ingestion. Accordingly, one supposes that it quenched several needs.

Pluto was the Roman god of the underworld. Pluto also was a dog--the pet dog of Mickey Mouse. Both Pluto, the alleged planet, and Pluto, the alleged canine, were discovered in 1930. The assumption is that the alleged planet came first. Pluto, the dog, who is naked, of course should not be confused with Goofy, the dog, who tends to be clothed and also associated with Mickey Mouse and friends. Pluto is not Goofy.

Pluto, the round ball in outer space, is an unlikely destination for weddings or retirees in the near future. However, in addition to its water sources, it does offer the attractive benefit that global warming is not likely there. This should please scientists who may consider going there. It also is unlikely that any of us will drink Pluto Water anytime soon. So, while photos of Pluto's ice mountains were interesting, the only Pluto likely to cross our paths is Pluto, the dog. Beam me up, Pluto!