At first, I thought it may be an alien being from outer space. Then, more realistically, I speculated that it was the heave of an owl that over-ate some squirrels. Close inspection, however, disclosed that it was a colony of fungus some two feet wide and a foot tall.
Being of Czech descent, mushrooms course through my blood. Called "houby", they are the fruit of the gods. The problem, however, is which gods, as some mushrooms can be quite deadly.
Unfortunately, all mushrooms look alike to me, so I buy them in a grocery store. However, my late aunt was a classic mushroom hunter/gatherer, with acute fungus radar. She had secret woodland hunting grounds and frequently was chased away by agitated farmers or their bulls. Her son did not fall from the toadstool, as he was in the same mold. His mushroom hunting, however, was in the lawns of unsuspecting homeowners.
I do not know whether my Mount Fungusmore is edible or not, but I have considered trying to save it for a parade float at the next annual Houby Festival held in a local town. Surely, it will be a high point.
One problem, however, is that mushrooms do not seem to have a long shelf life. In a 1946 decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals, the United States sued three 25 bags and two boxes of dried mushrooms, alleging that they were adulterated.* While the fungus could not speak for themselves, a claimant did and disputed that the mushrooms were adulterated. After a trial, the District Court ruled that the mushrooms were adulterated within the meaning of the federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act and that the mushrooms "be condemned, forfeited, and destroyed."
The claimant appealed. But wait, "in the meantime, no stay of the court's order or decree having been entered, the Marshall destroyed the mushrooms." How they were destroyed was not mentioned.
The Court of Appeals dismissed the appeal. "The continued existence of the mushrooms is essential to our right to proceed against the things themselves....The decree of the District Court goes against the mushrooms. The decree having been entered and executed, the proceeding is functus officio."
If one picks some mushrooms in the wild, and becomes ill from eating them, the only potential defendant likely is oneself. So, I have no intention to even touch Mount Fungusmore. I have decided to let nature take its course to condemn, forfeit and destroy: fungus functus officio.
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*United States v. 3 Unlabeled 25-pound bags
Dried Mushrooms,157 F.2d 722 (7th Cir.1946)
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